Friday, 23 May 2014

This girls aint loyal ! ...... so why do women cheat??

I got this from a from Glory Edozien, visit Interesting take.....

I had this argument with my besto, Onome, and of course he shut me down. Like many of you, I’m sure, he couldn’t believe that Glory, ‘Madame idealist’, would ever support women cheating. The more I explained my theory of balance the more he put forward more cogent arguments, which dulled the initial sparkle of my thesis. And to shut me up forever, he recanted endless tales of women destroying hearts and lives by cheating on men who had been nothing but faithful to them. So like a wounded dog, I tucked my tail between my legs and admitted defeat.
Of all the stories Onome told, it was possibly one of Bukky, his colleague that assuaged me the most. To the world Bukky was a happily married woman with 3 boys and a doting husband. They had a home in a decent area of Lagos, both had good jobs and managed to put their children in good schools. “What more could a woman want”? Onome asked, I declined to answer. Apparently, Bukky was the envy of all women in her office, until she was caught doing the dirty with a graduate assistant during their team building retreat in January. One thing led to another, and Bukky’s husband was informed of her infidelity. He threw her belongings out of the house before she returned from her trip. She now faces a lengthy divorce and custody battle, including the stigma of being branded a cheating wife. According to Onome, Bukky’s parents are reluctant to initiate settlement procedures with their son –in-law, because they are ashamed of their daughter’s actions.

While a part of me does feel for Bukky’s husband, a larger part wonders why any woman in a satisfying relationship would cheat, especially with so much at stake. Men have argued for ages that they are capable of emotionless ‘attachments’. In fact, this is almost an accepted creed among women folk. The unspoken excuse for taking back a cheating partner “he means nothing to her, it was just sex”.
One then begins to wonder why the same excuse is not acceptable for women. Could it be that Bukky too was simply scratching an itch and it had nothing to do with if she was in a satisfied marriage or not? If our society is amenable to excusing cheating men why aren’t they with women? Had the tables been turned, I wonder if Bukky’s parents would have encouraged her to throw her husband’s belonging out of the house or instead given her advice on how to keep her marriage issues private and be a better wife.
Now before you all start stoning me, I am not saying women should cheat just because men are. I am only questioning the double standard we all seem to accept where relationships are concerned. Besides it is possible that Bukky may not have been as happy as everyone assumed. Perhaps it was all a facade and the reality was quite different from perception?
Recently, a married friend of mine commented about how lonely married life could be, and how easy it is to slip into depression especially after the first child. She told me about her constant need for validation from a husband who was hardly home; her sense of self loss (and even self loathing) after she gave birth; and the need to constantly satisfy her in-laws and infant child at the expense of her own sanity. One can easily see how internalising these emotions could lead to a few misplaced steps, if not properly managed.
I remember just before my ex and I broke up a few years ago, the drama in our relationship had so drawn us apart, I didn’t feel the need to confide or share details of my life with him anymore. It was easier to talk with someone else and to feel unusually pleased by the compliments of complete strangers. In the end, we didn’t even need to have the break up talk, the telepathic connection that had once tied us together slowly unravelled and we both knew the end was inevitable. As I told Onome, if you don’t keep your fence secure, you can’t blame the sheep from wondering. Of course, the bond of marriage is completely different and requires a much higher level of commitment, but a woman married or single is still a woman and requires a certain level of attention from her man.
So while Onome and the rest of his gang were quick to vilify Bukky, I decided to take a somewhat different route. I wanted to understand why Bukky cheated? Did she just have an itch that needed scratching? Or was there something more sinister behind that veil of perceived perfection? What do you think? Why would a woman cheat on her man?


  1. I had a friend who after 5 years and 1 child, wanted to in her words “either quit my marriage or find someone to keep me happy”. She wanted quality time with her man but he was so busy with work and could scarcely find the time to spend with her. What made it worse was that the man did not think there was any problem because he took care of her financially and sexually and to him that was enough. The wife on the other hand wanted them to spend quality time together doing the things she loved and found it hard to tell him pointedly what she wanted, only throwing subtle hints which the man never caught on. She would come to my place and we would talk all night over glasses of wine, something she actually wished she was doing with her man! I was able to finally get her to have a sit down with her hubby over dinner at a restaurant paid for by her and tell him how she felt; that she loved getting gifts from him and loved the fact that he worked hard for their family but she loved spending time with him and would love if they could plan a couple of days in a month to spend together. The man apologised and they worked out a couple of days to get to be together and their marriage took a dramatic turn for the better afterwards, they even had two more kids! But the fact was this same woman was ready to cheat, even to the point of chatting with another man! For some women it is that their sex life is dead, what do u say to such?

  2. Women cheat for same reason men cheat. Simple as ABC. This varies for men or women in different situations.
    1. Men or women cheat simply because of greed. Not talking about money here. Just being a greedy person and wants to have more of women or men.
    2. Sexual satisfaction
    Men or women can cheat because there is not Sexual satisfaction in d relationship. We are having more Sexual partners compare to our parents who more just have sex when married. So tend to have their first Sexual experience in married and tend to stick to it Becos their no other. These days, it could range between 1 to 10 or more before a woman gets married. So she definitely knows her Sexual needs and desires. She can compare with ex partners and all. If it is disappointing in marriage or relationship, then can create cheating opportunity.
    There more to write...on d train